What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 00:45
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was 9 years of age.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why do narcissist move on so easily?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
What is something brutally honest that needs to be said?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I don,t even have a pension.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Why would my nipples hurt when I touch them?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She married twice! .
Why The Simpsons stopped producing Maude Flanders episodes?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Put me off passion for life!!
She was in good health!
Ive learnt so much.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Why is my older sister so mean to me as if I was her enemy?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Why do men choose to marry a plain Jane woman over a pretty woman?
My family never makes their pension either.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Teen girl from 6,200 years ago with cone-shaped skull unearthed in Iran - Phys.org
I was scared of men, in general
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Why do so many 18 to 29-year-old men struggle in dating?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I was very sick at this time too.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
So whats the point in blame.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Why did i forgive my father ?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
This is soul school!.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
(And it was in our own minds.)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I think the readers, may guess!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I was seconnd youngest,
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But it wasn’t much.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My life is so biszare .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Who then, do I blame.?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I will be 64.
She wouldn,t have been !
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Im still living with it.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She found it foreign!.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
What did i know ?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But, we were locked up after school.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I write beautiful poetry .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I couldn’t, believe it.
I waited trembling.
One cannot live in the past .
But ive been too sick for many years..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We were not on the streets..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I could never make a relationship work though!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
When she asked me how she looked .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
So, i spoilt her more .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He knew the spot.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
All the time i was locked up.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I said to her
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Especially a lifetime of it.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And i lived it daily.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He resisted the act ,that day.
We all went to grammer schools
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Comes on , in middle age.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She loved him until the end.
Was to survive, this bastard.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Would this be the day?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I have no regrets .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
It was going to be , some day.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them